d i s a s t e r : p i e c e

Find me here
and speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
that's leading me
to the place
where I find peace again

You are the strength
that keeps me walking
You are the hope
that keeps me trusting
You are the life
to my soul
You are my purpose
You're everything

And how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
Would you tell me
How could it be
any better than this.. yeah

You calm the storms
and you give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won't let me fall
You still my heart
and you take my breath away
Would you take me in
Take me deeper now

And how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
Would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this

And how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
Would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this

Cause you're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything
Everything

You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything
Everything

You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything
Everything

You're all I want
You're all I need
You're everything
Everything

And how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
Would you tell me
how could it be
any better, any better, than this

And how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
Would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
Would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this..
...♥

I honestly don't know what to do anymore..My sister is being such a bitch about the whole Richard-thing and I never realized this before but, she is now also displaying a very racist attitude towards it all.
I'll start from the beginning so anyone who doesn't know about this will understand, my parents despite everything are traditional Indians who will later on in my life try to find a "nice indian" guy for me to get married to. The problem now being, I will not do any of this since this is my life and I have all right to choose who I want to be with. I have for the past, uh, year or so been dating Richard, a guy who I love very much but I know that since he is not Indian my parents will not accept our relationship. My cousin did a similar thing last year when he fell in love with a british girl and there were huge arguments in the family and one of them resulted in my cousin moving out but, he later came back after having broken up with the girl. When all this was happening my mother was involved in everything too and I remember that she was crying as my sister constantly reminds me, but I don't really care actually, in the end it's all about my parents happiness or mine. I know that it's selfish but am I now allowed to choose for myself?
I truly doubt that I can tell my parents about Richard now since I hardly think they will just accept it, as I see it one out of two things can happen. One, they lock me up inside the house and refuse to let me go out unless it's for a limited time and they have talked to the person I'm meeting by which they'll force me to leave Richard OR I will argue against them and get kicked out of the house. The second alternative would not be that bad if it wasn't for the fact that I am at the moment very young and so will not be able to make a living or even be able to find somewhere to live at that..
The only risk-free option is to wait until I turn 18 and then tell my parents, they by then according to the law cannot force me to bide to their will and I could more easily find somewhere to live and get a job or something. The negative thing about waiting of course is that Richard has to wait with me -_-
Nothing in this relationship seems fair to him, he's got a girlfriend he barely gets to meet and if he wants to be with her in the future at all he has to keep on not-meeting-her-whenever-he-wants-to for 2 years >_< I feel like a right bitch for all this, I doubt that he even in his wildest dreams thought that in the future he would end up like this..
Every time he mentions the family thing I suddenly think he's going to break up with me ._. He keeps on telling me over and over again that he never will but how long can HE live with all this messed up shite?
Rather often now I keep on considering suicide as a possible option too, if I did do it I wouldn't have to defy my parents or leave the person who means more to me than anything else and who I know loves me above everything..
I can actually feel this physical pain inside of me every time I think of the situation, but I want to be with Richard more than anything else and I truly want to fix this, but waiting 2 years seems so hard.
I would welcome comments and feedback wholeheartedly since you people may have something to say that I haven't thought of yet..

Today has been absolutely beautiful ♥

I met Rich today and everything was just wonderful. We had a few slight problems deciding what to do but went to the Cinema to get tickets for the Da Vinci code and while we were watching the movie I had to explain a lot of the things that happened to him but it was all fun ^^ Eventually I just rested my head against his shoulder and he put his head on mine and said "Bara du inte somnar" which roughly translates to "Just as long as you don't fall asleep" <3 It seemed as the most natural thing in the world to do, just sit there and feel the steady beat of his heart x3
After the movie we just walked around outside for a bit until it started raining so we decided to go to Nordstan so we wouldn't be all drenched. When we get there we just sat on a bench and talked and kinda cuddled <3 The present that he had bought me was a sweet little teddy bear which is holding a heart and says I Love You on it :D I decided to name him Gubbis, something I call Rich a lot too ^^
When it was finally time for him to leave I didn't want him to go, I could have sat there with him forever if I so could =)
As we arrived at Nils Ericsson Terminalen I gave him a real hug (and realized just how much taller than me he is xD) and then kissed him =)

Now I'm sitting here in my room alone and trying to remember everything we talked about and how it felt to be in his arms. I miss him very much..♥