d i s a s t e r : p i e c e

I don't want to be all mopey anymore but it's pretty hard not to, I mean after everything that happened I really need my own time to grieve in whatever way I choose to. Yes, if this includes getting piercings I will do it.. What's the point of acting like you care about this now? If you did things wouldn't be this way. And yes I get it, you want to blame everything that happened on me. Sure thing, I'll take that blame, if it makes you feel better, then at least one of us is satisfied.

Anyway right after everything that happened between Neeraj and me I spoke to Thomas and he had a pretty different outlook on the whole thing than I did, he basically blamed me for starting the relationship and the end of it too.

Thomas: typical women
[Aarti <3]: OH!
[Aarti <3]: so now it's the fact that I'm a woman that is the problem?
Thomas: no i meant that your attitude sucks ass!
Thomas: how could nothing be your fault!
Thomas: your teh fcukin one who accepted to go out wif him in teh fucking FIRST PLACE!
Thomas: u cant just say everything is HIS fault because HE decided to take a break
[Aarti <3]: YES IT IS!
[Aarti <3]: if i had done something wrong in the relationship then it'd be my fault
[Aarti <3]: but i didn't!
Thomas: u didnt???!
Thomas: do u know what he's taking a break??
Thomas: BECAUSE OF YOU!
Thomas: are u dumb??!?
Thomas: he isnt taking a break because he has a cold
[Aarti <3]: how is it my fault!?!?!?!

hehe, and afterwards he started bitching about how it's probably a good thing it ended cause I really need to improve my grades. As a friend, I truly appreciate what he told me and the fact that he cares was really surprising cause he always seems to uninterested in feelings.

And here's a part where I kick his ass :D

Thomas: you have to study
Thomas: fuck the phone
Thomas: u do more talkin then doing
Thomas: do instead of tellin me
[Aarti <3]: Thomas, I know you want to have sex that badly, but I really don't
Thomas: you not what, for sm gay reason im speechless
Thomas: i have nothin to counter that
Thomas: shit
Thomas: uhh..

Taaaa-daaa! :D Oh yes, thanks Maria, Anita, Mike and Poriya for talking things through with me. And a big kiss to Thomas!
***

I thought about this a lot and now I know; I want to be a optimistic realist. I mean, I don't want to have a cynical view on life after all this shit, but neither do I wanna be all optimistic and act like there's no pain in the world. So the in between would be a optimistic realist, 'cause then you are happy about life, BUT keep a slightly realistic outlook on the world around you right? However to me this creates the bittersweet paradox. Both these words contradict each other don't they, aren't they opposites almost?

Anyway a couple of updates;

~Mike is coming to GBG on Tuesday for a job interview and I'm gonna see if I can get him to stick around long enough to meet me. I haven't seen him since the one time I saw him at the concert on Frihamns piren in 2004 so yes..it's about time we met.

~I have recently rejuvenated my friendship with Poriya (Remember the guy who went in our class during the last year for like 3...weeks? o_O) anyway, he has really changed xD Matured for the sake of humanity. Turns out we both have the same subjects for IB (although he was HL hist while I have chem but meh.)

~Just found out that Erick STILL thinks I'm together with Rich. Get over it already dude.

~Being single after like 2 years feels really weird. I don't really like it so far, I was so comfortable in having someone close to me and now I feel like a tree that's been ripped out of the ground by it's roots..
I Don't think I'm gonna be doing any serious dating for a while, seeing as my trust in other people has been hurt significantly. I just want to forget about everything..


Um, well this turned out to be longer than I intended it to be. I'm going to try to start blogging daily, I always kept everything inside of myself and that really makes things worse so for the sake of my own sanity I will let it out in words.